Our money beliefs and behaviours live in the story of our family
Three relationships with money are formed in a partnership. These are, the one that each of you have and the new one you are creating together. You both bring different money stories, money beliefs and money behaviours into your relationship.
Create a new money story.
Tell your money story by drawing a family tree and add in your parents, grandparents and great grandparents. Also, note any money flashpoints in your life. A money flashpoint is a parent passing away, your parent losing a job or a financial windfall.
Learn about each other through your money stories.
Considering your parent and grandparents…
- Did they suffer from an addiction or chronic illness?
- Did they have sayings like ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’?
- Where did they all live?
- What did they do for money?
- Where were they educated and to what level?
Understand your beliefs and behaviours around money, share this with each other and take note of the similarities and differences.
Fertilise a more intimate relationship by leaning into the differences.
These differences can cause great tension (and breakdowns) in our relationships but it’s the differences as much as the similarities that make up the mystery of love and life.
Play to each other’s strengths
Sometimes quick financial decisions are what’s needed a spender is good at this and sometimes a more considered approach is best and a saver is outstanding at this. Also, sometimes giving is needed and sometimes you just need to hustle and find more money a receiver is skilled at this. Do you get the picture!
Your money story is better out on the table and discussed before you take the step of moving into together or marrying. Also, keep on revisiting your money beliefs and behaviours as they may change over time.
Some places to find help or more information.
Talking about money can be really hard. If you are feeling overwhelmed, I’ve listed some organisations and websites below that could provide you with further support and information.