Love and Money Series: Financial Infidelity

13 signs that your partner could be financially unfaithful

Infidelity in a relationship reveals itself in different ways. Infidelity can be physical, emotional and yes, it can be financial. Financial infidelity is quite common and can be as simple as lying to your partner about the price of something to spending on an addiction. Or it could be a sign of financial abuse. It’s not a simple issue. Like emotional infidelity, there are degrees of unfaithfulness, I guess. For example, I don’t always tell my husband the exact price of something I buy. I’m not sure if that’s necessary. However, that being said, as I’ve researched money disorders and worked as a financial therapist I have come to understand that usually honesty in all things financial is best. I’ve just said to Pete that sometimes I just want to buy some clothes or whatever without giving him every detail of every bit of money I spend and he feels the same. It’s called trust. Talking about emotional infidelity, we both have male and female friends who we catch up with for a coffee, drink, lunch. So, the question is, at what point is a flirtation emotional infidelity and at what point is a lie about money or a lie about money by omission financial infidelity? I think that this is a very personal question and really depends on the boundaries within your own relationship. However, I would say there are 13 signs that your partner could be financially unfaithful, these are

1. Your partner will not have a money talk
2. Your partner will not share their credit score
3. Your partner hides bank statements and keeps investments hidden
4. You find bank statements for an account or credit card that you didn’t know about
5. Cash goes missing
6. Your partner is very controlling about who pays the bills that is, they do
7. Your partner becomes defensive when talking about money (this could also be an indication of a money anxiety)
8. Your partner often hides shopping, lies about the cost of items or consistently appears in outfits or has new stuff that you didn’t know about
9. Your partner doesn’t tell you the real cost of things
10. Your partner will not tell you how much they earn or what they own
11. Your partner gaslights you
12. Your partner shows addictive behaviour around something
13. Your partner is overly interested in the mail and bills seem to go missing or not ‘arrive’

What do you do if one or a few of the above signs exists in your relationship? Have a read of my article on money talks. Start having these talks with yourself and get your own money life in order. The link is here money talks

Then ask your partner to start having money talks and see what happens. Do they become defensive? Do they become angry with you? Or are they willing to at least  start talking about money?

The big thing is to look after yourself. Look after yourself physically. Are you safe? Is there abuse elsewhere in your relationship? How are you looking after your body, your mind and your psyche?

A final word on gaslighting

Gaslighting is talked about more lately and can literally drive you mad. The term came from the title of a 1944 movie starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. The movie is called Gaslight. I’ve been gaslighted and it’s horrible.